Paranoia

Sometimes, I get very frustrated thinking that she is always coming in between us. Just because of her, we have to make changes in our lives. Just because of her, my dream of establishing my very own cosy and loving home has gone down the drain.

Is it her? Or is it him? The one who is not able to stand up for himself and make clear what he wants.

Or is it me being too self-centred?

Just because of her her, I am feeling so stressed out. I am angry. I am upset. I am jealous. I am sad. Why?

Because I do not feel safe around her. Because I feel her eyes everywhere all the time. Because she has been made out to be like one evil witch. Because she has been made out to be a tyrant. With her around, I am not able to be myself. I have to constantly watch my behaviour and expressions. I cannot be loud. I cannot be the real me: the bubbly and talkative me.

I have to live by her rules and commands. I have to live by her mood swings.

Well, one may ask, are we all not doing that all the time? Learning to live with one another? I guess so. Yet, the major challenge that I have now is the extreme poles of differing mindsets and beliefs. West versus East. Conventional versus Contemporary. Closed versus opened.

Or perhaps, what is bugging me is actually the lost of privacy and intimacy shared between the both of us.

Lord

I pray for your guidance to teach me how I should manage this situation. Am I thinking negatively without justification? Am I thinking too much?

I pray for inner peace.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.