Liebe Christkind

Liebe Christkind,

what is in stall for me in the days to come? I do not know. Will things go smoothly for me and Matt? I wish and pray very hard. Time has gone by so fast that it is just one night and we will be moving into our new home. The past weeks have been spent shopping for the necessitites and making joint decisions on how things should be around the house. It has been a tiring period but I think both of us enjoyed it. (I hope so!)

I pray and wish for this Christmas that Matt and I will have beautiful memories in this new home together. Please let us spend as much time together as possible and not tear us apart. Tearing us apart would mean death at least to me.

Many thanks from the very bottom of my heart.

Tschuess!

Johanna

Spinning a cocoon

Everyday, I spin a cocoon around myself. The more layers I spin, the less others can hurt me. The more layers I spin, the more I can distant myself from some people. I build this barrier to keep out the invaders who want to make use of my vulnerability so that I will submit to them. These people have hurt me before, and they operate on the basis of authority and dictatorship. I hate them.

Can I call this a self-defence mechanism that was born with me? I look back in time. Everytime something happens and I feel the hurt, I withdraw more and more. I am not the aggresive kind of person who would go all way out to make a point. I do not believe in imposing my beliefs on others. Everyone has the right to choose their own set of values and beliefs. If my set does not compliment or go well with another person's, we will just have to stay away from one another or clash and suffer. I choose to former.


There are so many choices and paths in life. Why hang on to something which does not bring you joy and happiness? By spinning a cocoon around myself, I am also actually creating a new path for myself, a new path to happiness and away from the hurt and misery and fear.

I hate the disturbances when my pepertrators keep poking my cocoon and try to force me out of it. The more they try to get me out, the more I hide, the more I hate them, the more I want to get away. Is this a sign of avoidance and escape? Well, they will never be able to understand me anyway. So why waste the time and efforts to open my heart to them? So what if they listen to me? They will still insist on their set of values and beliefs. That is why they are so autocratic!!!

I hate them!!!!

Our New Home in Progress

hmmmmm......our new place is in progress and we see some of it coming alive!!! The green wall for the study room, the lavender wall for the master bedroom and the orange walls for the living area. Most importantly, the blue doors and white walls along the corridor.

Everytime I walk past the blue doors, I am always reminded of the views in Greece. White-washed walls of purity with a peaceful and calming shade of blue for everydoor that faces the sun. I think of the heat on Santorini and Mykonos. I think of the smell of the food and shops in town and by the beaches. I think of the faces of the people I met. I think of the very dry and powdery taste of Greek Coffee. I think of the many little alleys and steps on the islands. I think of the steep paths that we climbed to get to the Red Beach. I think of the seafood platter which gave me diarrhea. I think of the climb up the island of...(cannot remember the name though). I think of the swim we had in the hot spring as a result of the existence of the volcano. I think of the donkey ride up the many winding paths from the port to the town area.

In one way or another, our home is made up of our experiences we had together. In one way or another, we have subconsciously collected all the elements of our experiences and placed in this little place call home. This is what home is about.

Boredom

Boredom, as defined in one of the online dictionaries says that it is the state of being bored. Am I in a state of being bored? Or am I a boring person?

For the past two weeks, other than recuperating from my very injured, tortured and sprained ankles, I have not really been doing much. It is the holidays, I know. But I am lost, all of a sudden. There are no more assignments to be submitted, at least for the time being. There are no more chapters or readings which have to be completed before the weekend. And I love working on assignments and doing my readings!!! What a nerdy freak I am!!!

Maybe I am trying to fill in the gaps. Other than thinking of what to do for my currculum subjects, I am now working full-time on my Deutsch Hausaufgaben. I guess my German teachers are kind of shocked as to the loads of written pieces that they have to mark. heeheee.....

My friends are all enjoying their holidays, I presume. Many have gone on their travels. Many are having fun simply going out for meals and drinks with their friends.

Here I am, typing away at my laptop, pouring out my thoughts and feelings. Is this considered pathetic? Have I been too much of a nerd that I do not know how to enjoy life? Or is it simply just because my inclination falls towards another spectrum?

Shopping is not my cup of tea unless it is for specific items or purposes. Going out for coffee and simply relaxing at cafes is something I like to do but I cannot do it now because of my ankles. I love to engage in thought-provoking conversations with people, but there is no one to do that with me as everyone else is all busy with their own activities.

My mind wonders very often these days. From romantic weddings to a make-over for myself. I come up with ideas for my wedding photography, I think of the possible hair colour and even perms and curls for my hair. I think of the cost, I think of the schedule and timeline to carry out things that I want to do. This is not really something that I am accustomed to working on. I am more used to assignments, deadlines, readings, tutorials and so on.

I have borrowed books which seem interesting to read. But my mind is not in it. I kinda just want to do nothing. That is what my body is telling me. But something in me tells me that I have to do something meaningful to pass my time. Time is valuable and I should not let it slip by just like that.

Oh my God!!! What should I should to get back on track???

Thoughts of them

I attended GESL yesterday and came into contact with a group of children age ranging from five to fourteen. They come from different family situations but mostly from incomplete, abusive or unhappy families. While they carry elements of hurt and scars in their faces and actions, I seems to see that glitter from within. They do not want to be the way they are. They want to be happy like any other children. They want to feel safe. They need attention. They have talents which have not been discovered and developed.

My heart goes out to them. I was angry with their parents. Their parents brought them into this world and immersed them in a realm of negativities instead of joy and bliss.

As a trainee teacher, I am worried and I wonder if I will be able to handle them and reach out to them. While I can be fierce, I can also be very soft-hearted. My emotions may hinder me from dealing with such children in the most rational and effective way to help them out of the rut.

Dear Lord

I pray to thee. I pray you guide me developing my knowledge and skills so that I may reach out to these children and bring them to joy and happiness. They do not deserve such suffering. All children should grow up happily. This is what I believe. There must be something I can do. Please teach me, dear Lord. Please teach me what I can do and how I can help these children.

Thank you Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

A cozy feeling

Today, after all the lessons and activities in school, I went to the new place to take a look. While not many things have changed since I last visited the place, I got a somewhat more cozy feeling. The dining table and chairs are there already. More tiles went up especially in the toilet in the Master Bedroom. It was rather dark without all the electricity running. Albeit the renovation works, the workers gave us no reason to make a fuss out of anything. The place was kept clean at the end of the day. We see the progress but we also see the pride taken in making sure that things are done in a responsible manner.

I feet happy seeing that things are progressing. The apartment, although still in the making, seems to be telling me that I will soon be able to hide in a comfortable place called 'Home'. 'Home' has never been in my dictionary although I know the word and its spelling. 'Home' has never been a place I want to be in or return to at the end of the day because of all the unhappy thoughts and feelings it gives me. But it now has a different meaning to me. It is now a symbol of love, companionship, safety, security and memories. We took the efforts to decorate and make joint decisions on how this home will be like. It is something we built upon our love. Love is the foundation of our lives together and our home is one of our major milestones in life.

Perhaps this may sound mushy or meaningless to others. As our lecturers have mentioned before, a reader interacts with a text that he or she is reading and interprets the words differently according to their own set of beliefs and schema.

As I write these thoughts, I am expressing my personal joy and bliss and perhaps, only people who have gone through this phase of life would be able to somewhat understand and know how it feels when we set up a home based on love, respect, care, humility and trust.

Dear Lord,

I learnt a prayer towards. Perhaps it is a small step towards my spiritual journey, but I hope that it will lead to other small steps towards You.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from Evil.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

A prayer for Norman

Dear Lord,

I pray that you bless Norman with the strength, courage and perseverance to work through his exams. He has been helping me for the past one week ever since I sprained my ankle. For this, I am grateful and I wish to pray for him to do well in his exams. He is a clever boy. He has the drive and he knows what he wants to do in life. I am glad that he has realised this at a young age.

I am not sure how many setbacks he has taken in life. But please Lord, please do not let the exams this time round be one. He needs it as a form of indication for the next few years. I know that he can do it. I also know that sometimes, there are uncontrollable factors. Still, I pray and hope that he can get through the exams and move on.

Thank you Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Action of care

Matt and I were at the doctor's yesterday. We were there to collect our medical report and to have a consultation with the doctor with reference to our general well-being. All is ok for Matt. But for me, it is a different story. It seems my red blood count (i think) is low and this could be linked to anemia. But doctor assured me that it is still within the acceptable range. Then there were some other test which state that my health is not very much in the pink. So I will have to take good care of myself and doc advised me to drink Cranberry juice.

Hmmmm.....I thought. Ok. It is not that bad. At least I do not have any serious illnesses or dieseases. My body may be slightly on the weaker side but there is still hope if I take good care of myself.

After we stepped out of the clinic, Matt immediately told me to take my time to make my way to the foodcourt while he makes a dash to the supermarket to get cranberry juice. WOW!!! He is indeed efficient. I did not really think much about Cranberry juice.

After we went home, he made me drink the Cranberry juice, of course not the whole bottle though.

Still, these little things are becoming very clear and obvious to me. I relish the attention and care he showers on me. He has always been so thoughtful all these years, but I was blind to it. The recent years have been a turning point in my life. I treasure him more and I think I am back on track.

This entry will serve to remind me of the many things that Matt has done for me, especially when I grow old many years later.....

Day 4

Hmmm.....looking at the photos, I wonder what to say to myself. What did I ever do to get myself into such a mess? And such a huge mess this time!

Every look at my ankles fill my soul with fear and anxiety. I almost always have to prevent myself from fainting whenever I look at my ankles. They are not only swollen, but kinda out of shape too.

It is Day 4. Things do not look as bad, but they are still quite bad now that I cannot walk.

Sherlin came by today to visit me. Sometimes, I really wonder if there are still angels around. And here comes one. Due to my frustrations and stress, I have not been talking to her or anyone the past two weeks. She need not help me cos I have not been friendly at all. Yet, she came by today and shared with me her experience at a puppetry workshop. She is still all smiles and 'flying' around, still immersed in a state of poetry recital.

Perhaps, it is people like her, who takes things easily, who are able to enjoy life better.

This accident has really put a full-stop to my life for a moment to take a breather. I hope that there would not be any of such full-stops next time. The price to pay is quite high!

Swim like a fish

Oh, how I wish I could swim like a fish! Hmmm.....the urge to take a dip in the pool and simply move my limbs according to the currents of the water is really strong and tempting. Yet, I have to confine myself to the chair or bed at least for the next few weeks and not move around.

This is not a total experience of an invalid, yet, a small little thing such as sprained ankles is enough to tell me that it is not easy to overcome hurdles both physically, mentally and emotionally.

In our ever-changing and dynamic world, we often overlook other aspects in life, mostly till something happens. (Or does this only happen to people in certain parts on Earth?)

How I wish I can be in an environment such as in Copenhagen. The pace and atmosphere is just right. I never felt the stress or the need to push myself over the edge. Maybe NZ is the same, I am not sure yet as I have not lived that long enough.

Dear Lord

I just want to get over these few years as smoothly as possible and build up my experience. Thereafter, I still want to explore the world and experience different cultures. Please help me out, dear Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Day 3 - Boredom is killing me!!

Right. I am almost bored to death despite having to read my notes, work on my assignment and perhaps having the luxury of an access to Internet. I cannot move around much. Every little movement is so tiring and difficult. Imagine the energy that I have to expand just to turn from left to right in bed.

How I wish I can go swimming and get around my daily routine tasks without much difficulty. But I guess that is the price to pay for falling. As to how the fall happened and why, I have totally no idea!!

Dear Lord,

I pray that there will be no complications this time. I pray that I can get well soon to be able to participate in my other activities and not rely on others. This is really a hard lesson to take for someone who is so stubborn and used to being independent. Now I am so dependent on others for even the little things in life. I do not want to be a liability, dear Lord.

Please help my ankles heal soon. THere are simply too many things at stake. My exams, my new apartment and so on. I want to be there to experience them.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

"Hi,are you ok?"

"Hi, are you ok? How did you hurt yourself?, she asked.

"Oh, I am sort of ok. I fell at the bus-stop.", I replied.

"Oh no. I felt...when I saw it. What is your name?", she asked empathetically.

(Smile)" Oh, Johanna. What about you? I am sorry, my hands are wet." I replied.

"Ziyi. Do take care." She said with smile.

"Yah, thanks. I will."

***********************************************************************

A short simple conversation with Ziyi, who lives in the room diagonally across mine to the left. I can see her door from my door. I guess we have never really met each other. Even if we had, my fierce and unwelcoming and unfriendly disposition probably scared her away.

I never thought I would speak to anyone here. My focus has always been on my studies. I always had doubts about people's levels of sincerity.

Perhaps I should not be so harsh?

Day 2 (My Awakening)

Day 2 of my experience.

The bruises are beginning to show. I can see the blood clots forming all around my ankle. But at least it is not so painful as compared to yesterday and my ankles somehow do not feel so stiff.

I am diligently keeping to the instructions given by the doctor. Movements are kept to the minimum and I keep my legs raised as much as possible. And of course, no cold water.

I really hope that my ankles will heal soon. It really makes me feel guilty for not appreciating the use of my limbs. Somehow, I think about the other people who have lost the use of their limbs and the courage they managed to muster to get through life. I salute these people. When unfortunate accidents strike, we either allow ourselves to be consumed by the consequences or swim through the currents and emerge stronger.

Dear Lord,

I pray that my ankles will heal soon. I want to be able to move around and assemble experiences to share with my little ones in the future. Well, I guess this could count as an experience too. But this experience is so painful and sad, and naturally, I want to feel happy and safe.

Please shower me with your blessings, dear Lord.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Sprained Ankles - An awakening?

Today is Monday the 13th, November 2006. I had a premonition that something would happen. But I wasn't sure what. Then it all came like a flash of lightning. Early this morning, at about 2 am, i had very bad stomachache-the kind which you get only once in a blue moon. Then I woke up early this morning to get ready to conduct my very first fieldwork. Everything went smoothly until I stepped off the pavement to board the bus. Somehow, I simply lost my footing and fell. Well, it is not really the fall that got to me. It was the fact that I actually sprained both my ankles that really kinda woke me up. I limped all the way to YCK where I met the rest of the team. Amazingly, we still made it to Jalan Kayu for prata and Maran helped bandaged my ankles to keep the swelling in check.

Last minute changes had to be made and I ended up doing the introduction and closure to the fieldwork. But I knew that it was not my best. My words and thoughts were flying all over the place. Behaviour management was atrocious. The "children" were not listening to instructions. And there were many instances during which they were in between roles assigned.

Feedback given was valid, I thought. Although I felt that in the actual situation, the kids would not have been so naughty as they are in a new environment.

Throughout the day, I was still in a form of shock. I still managed to smile and make conversation with people. Yet, i knew I was not totally sane.

Dear Lord,

Were you trying to tell me something? If you were trying to teach me that I should not view people using the lens of negativity, I think I get the idea. I feel pain in the flesh, yet comfort in my soul. Why do I say that? Strangers I met along the way throughout my experience asked if I was ok and if I needed help. They kinda of empathized with me. It could be curiosity, but they broke the suspicion barrier and spoke to me.

I never thought people here would be nice. Perhaps I should start seeking out the good instead of focusing my attention on the bad...

Thank you , dear Lord.

I understand now.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Hi Dear,

If you are reading this entry, please dun worry. I know I am kinda clumsy and often get into such trouble. I will try to be strong and get through everything. I am very pampered by you. And I guess because I have been having such a nice hubby taking care of me, I am too used to comfort. This makes me more vulnerable because subconsciously, the expectations have been set.

I wished so much you were here with me, but I know I have to be strong.

So I will simply take good care of myself and wait for you to come back.

Love,

Nana

Pragmatism versus Idealism

The last few lessons of G's were rather tensed. First of all, we had the problem of arranging for a change in schedule. Secondly, the class was not interested in what G was advocating: Teaching with the children in mind.

G advocated strategies which sounded good and justified, I think. I am with her on this. Yet, as with any strategy, there are challenges of implementation and achievement of the expected results. Time is one major obstacle for teachers in this country. We are expected to do so much in only that little time given.

Practically speaking, I understand that there are constraints. Yet, sometimes, I think that we should not let the constraints or challenges stop us from doing what is right. I can understand the feelings of joy when one's work is recognized and when one's feelings are reciprocated. Children need lots of love and attention. All they want is the adult's affirmation and approval. They would do anything just to get a smile from the people they love and respect. This feeling of being accepted and affirmed goes a long way in building up the confidence and shaping the mindset of the children. I would do anything within my ability for them. Hence, I am not adversed to G's suggestion. INstead, I would think of ways to customise the ideas such that they can achieve the same results and yet fit into our environment.

Why do they not see this point? Are teachers becoming the parents and student we often speak about? The ones who are only looking at climbing the ladder without making any meaning in thier lives?

Faith in Mankind

Recently, I was at the bank with Matt to start a joint account. There, the executive was trying to sell us plans and products related to wealth accumulation. She spent more than an hour explaining to us how the different plans worked and why the plans are good for us.

I walked out the bank feeling nonchalent, except, I guess that a seed has sprouted in mind. I had a new idea, or maybe only new to me.

Has Faith in our fellow humankind dwindled to such an extent that we have to place our trust in something called 'Money'? Everyone is rushing to put their money in institutions in the hope that one day, when they need the money, they would have more than what they really have. Well, perhaps it is true to some extent that money comes in useful in times of need. But, are we carrying it too far with our obsession?

Can we still depend or trust the people around us when something happens? It seems that this trust level is decreasing at an exponential rate. Or am I the one being difficult and distrusting all these years?

I tell people that no amount of money would help if I lose Matt. If he is gone, I will be the next one to go, most probably. If I have been cursed with misfortunes, I would rather end my life and be gotten rid off in the simplest way possible so that I will not be a burden to anyone on Earth. Am I extreme? (I do not want to die so early cos I am very happy with my life now. BUt if it does happen?

I am still wondering and thinking........

Peace, Tranquility, A cuppa, My laptop and Deutsche Musik!!

Hmmmm.....I love this feeling! Sitting somewhere quiet and peaceful and enjoying a cuppa. No noise. no irritants, only my wonderful companions.

I used to enjoy this so much in Copenhagen. I remember the snow flakes, the winds howling and the ripples in the lake by the apartment. Oh how i miss them. They are such good friends and companions to my inner being. THey comfort and console me.

After I came back to Singapore, my friends are only with me in memories. THey could not come along with me. It is sad. I miss them so much. I long to be with them once again. Yet, I have to suppress my urge and live with what I have here.

This opportunity to enjoy this placidity often brings a smile to my soul and sometimes tears to my eyes. It is as if my soul has been released into a realm of freedom and happiness and there would not be sadness, anger or any other negative feelings. Perhaps this is a little piece of heaven within me, where hope and mirales exist.

Dear Lord

I pray that somehow, I will be able to find peace and calmness within me. That I would not be affected by things that happen around me. I pray that I will continue to look for the good all around. To see the wonderful things that you have done.

Thank you Lord for everything in my life.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

My audience

This idea popped out at me as I was reading one of my required articles for the English module. Who am I writing for? Who is my audience? Is it me? The Familiar Me? Or the foreign Me?

So far, I have been posting my thoughts online with a certain amount of details. Some details have been left out deliberately, while others have been included and elaborated upon. Why did I do that subconsciously?

I wanted to blog because I want to be able to write something someday. A piece which is real, moving and meaningful. A piece which strikes at the hearts of people who read it. But as I continue to write, I seem to be recording my life story, or perhaps, some events in my life which will hopefully live on after I die. And sometimes, I think I write because I need an outlet to clarify my thoughts and emotions and subsequently move on. And i hope that this feeble attempt to develop my cognitive ability is working.....

Principles

I always think that we should always behave and work based on principles and values.

That is why I am so angry and irritated over the current issue of the change in timing and date of the english tutorial. Just because of three persons, we all have to change the date of the tutorial. It is actually no big deal because it benefits all of us as we have a day off.

Yet, I am not satisfied or very happy at the way it was handled. The three persons knew well in advance that the tutorial will be affected. However, they did not say anything about it till the last minute. Extra time was spent haggling over when the tutorial should be now that they want to change it. Their actions led me to the intepretation that they made the assumption that time of others' are at their disposal. This really gets on my nerves.

Now that the issue has been resolved, I should probably start getting over it. It is no point sky-rocketing my blood pressure over this small issue. I have other things to ponder and think about.

But what can I learn from this??? I think, one very important lesson is that I should always bear in mind the consequences of my actions and how other people actually read my actions. If I knew that I would be in such a situation, I would be fair to others by providing earlier notice so that things can be settled easily and effectively, instead of causing so much trouble. So, lesson learnt is to always to think about predicting consequences and seeing different perspectives.

There you go, Jo!!!! Another moment of revelation. Let's live our life this way!!! Extracting lessons and wisdom from things happening around us!

Yeah!!!!

But of course, there is no perfect generalisation. There will always be exceptions!!!!

Imposing my standards on others

This idea has been bugging me at least for the last 24 hours. Well, I cannot say that I have very strict and high standards. Yet, I cannot say that I am that easy-going either. SO where do I stand?

As I walk around town and along the streets, I often notice the behavior of people. My observation skills are not superb though. I often see inconsiderate behavior and I wonder how people can behave that way. Do they not know that there is something called consideration for others in the use of public space and property?

My trip to the cinema lately has been totally made disgusted by people who talk consistantly during the movie, kicks the chair in front as they fidget in their seats. How can one enjoy the movie with such inconsiderate behavior by others?

On the roads, people move along as though there were no other living human beings around. The block the passage ways, stop all of a sudden to talk to their friends and so on. What a 'graceful' city I live in! It will take many many more years before we can really see any positive results of the campaigns that the government has been trying to promote.

Then, come to think of it, as all have the freedom to choose our behavior. I do not have the right to impose my personal standards of public behavior onto others. Right? Since, the way they behave is really none of my business anyway. But it really irks me. Or am I simply in an irritable mood?

I wonder.....

Principle of Meritocracy

Ee Moi spoke to me about briefly about this when we had our assignment consultation last friday. It is amazing when we come into a different realm of knowledge and looking at the world around us.

It all began last week when she had to tutor her son and his friend on the topic of Governance for Social Studies. My initial concept of Meritocracy was that as long as one works hard, one will reap what one sows in the future. Yet, I did not question the assumptions underlying this idea.

In Singapore, this idea is strongly emphasized. The government often preaches that in order for us to survive in the future, we have to work hard. This includes studying really hard and achieving good results.

But are we all on equal playing fields?

Children born to better-educated parents and rich parents tend to have the resources to acquire a larger pool of 'Cultural Capital'. These children have the access to learn more about the world through their travels and parents' guidance. They have the resources to purchase computers, subscribe to Internet which hosts a large amount of information and buy many books.

What about children who do not have such access? What can they depend on? THeir parents? Themselves? Their parents have no clue how to provide them with intellectual stimulus to awake their search for knowledge. The children themselves have no idea what do with their lives. Or only perhaps till something major happens and their lines of thoughts are skaken.

With such great disparity and inequality, how can this principle of Meritocracy still stand true?

Well, the government has tried to make sure that we are all on somewhat equal footing, yet, to achieve the perfect balance, it is still idealistic.

I think of my life and childhood. It is true. When I was young, my parents had totally no idea of how to complement home education with public education. There were so many instances when I questioned myself the purpose for my existence. I had no idea at that time that life has a purpose and a meaning. School and education was such an abstract concept to me.

As I grew older, and by chance managed to survive, I started travelling. Travelling opened my eyes to the so many wonders of the world. I started questioning and discovering for myself what life on Earth is all about.

Imagine if a child did not have the opportunity to travel and interact with different people, how would his view of the world be like? Will the child be able to accept new challenges as the world around us becomes more dynamic?

Will the child develop negative feelings towards things and people around him/her because he felt short-changed?

Or will the child simply hide in his world where things are fairly simple and constant? Is this possible?

From Subway with Love [Roman Pro Zeny (Czech Republic) ]

Finale Plzen

From Subway with Love


Roman Pro Zeny (Czech Republic)

By EDDIE COCKRELL

A Bioscop release (in the Czech Republic) of a Ceska Produkcni 2000 production. (International sales: Ceska Produkcni 2000, Prague.) Produced by Petr Chajda. Executive producer, Rudolf Biermann. Directed by Filip Renc. Screenplay, Michael Viewegh, from his novel. With: Zuzana Kanoczova, Marek Vasut, Simona Stasova, Miroslav Donutil, Stella Zazvorkova, Ladka Nergesova, Jaromir Nosek, Jan Sverak. A Czech/Slovak variation on the commercially viable Bridget Jones model of comic meller, "From Subway with Love" starts strong out of the gate and manages to skate over a scattershot second half on sheer good will. Sturdy local box office in its first fortnight of local release coupled with the audience award at the Finale Pilsen fest, will propel pic to muscular regional biz and durable ancillary.

While traveling by tube to her job at an upscale women's magazine, 23-year-old beauty Laura (Slovak thesp Zuzana Kanoczova) discovers that in place of some advertising billboards on her train are passionate love letters to an unnamed woman signed by someone named Oliver. Later, while at the beauty shop, she confesses to her hairdresser pals that the missives are intended for her. This prompts an extended flashback to her relationship with the rugged, older adman (Marek Vasut), who seduces her with sophisticated talk out from under hapless b.f. Rickie (Jaromir Nosek) during a skiing holiday in Slovakia's Tatras mountain range.
Once together, Oliver and Laura struggle to reconcile their differences: She thinks he drinks too much, and he's perplexed by the sheer volume of her hair care products.

Laura's perpetually agitated mother Jana (Simona Stasova) fingers Oliver as the same boorish lover she'd had years before, a relationship charted in a hilarious early extended flashback that only makes narrative sense following this revelation.

Also figuring in the action is Laura's pensive, henpecked neighbor Mr. Zemla (vet singer/thesp Miroslav Donutil), bitter, man-hating chum Ingrid (Ladka Nergesova), and wisecracking grandmother (Stella Zazvorkova, star of "Babi Leto").

Helmer Filip Renc, who managed the not insubstantial task of turning the 1968 Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia into the vibrant yet self-conscious 2001 musical comedy "Rebelove," performs a similar feat with Michael Viewegh's witty but overly ambitious adaptation of his own novel. Keeping the pace lively and underscoring the action with a series of faux French tunes warbled at key moments by Czech thrush Iva Freuhlingova, Renc manages to reign in a number of unruly subplots that dissipate the central action.
Still, at just past the halfway point, pic loses some velocity, rallying only with a proliferation of the public love letters and a visual gag that reunites Laura with Oliver.

Kanoczova imbues Laura with just the right amount of dignity, Vasut embodies every annoying tendency of what Jana describes as Oliver's "narcissistic self-pity," and Stasova steals the movie out from under everyone as Laura's carnally headstrong mom.

Tech package is stylish, with fine use made of spectacular Tatras locations and Jitka Matiaskova's distinctive costuming. "Kolya" helmer Jan Sverak pops up as a waiter appearing at the couple's table immediately following a joke about Jan Sverak.

English title on print caught is "A Woman's Novel," literal translation of the original Czech. Pic bears a dedication to Patrik Stoklasa, who has a single scene as a sunny messenger.

Camera (color), Petr Hojda; editor, Jan Mattlach; music, Jerome Degey, Eric Capone, Michel Eli, Arno Elias; art director, Petr Fort; costume designer, Jitka Matiaskova; sound (Dolby Digital), Radim Hladik Jr; associate producers, Tomas Hoffman, Petr Zempliner, Ondrej Zach; assistant director, Jiri Kacirek. Reviewed at Finale Pilsen, Czech Republic, April 29, 2005. Running time: 100 MIN.

Source: http://www.variety.com/review/VE1117927005.html?categoryid=31&cs=1&p=0

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From Subway with Love

The second last film I watched during the film fest. A simple and romantic story. Yet filled with love. Perhaps it is because I am on cloud nine with all the developments in my life now....

I am reminded of my joy and happiness....I am reminded of the times I took things for granted. I am reminded to cherish what I have for they may be taken away from me any moment. I am not sure if the story is real or not. Have yet to check it out. But if I were to meet a guy like that, it is really a miracle if I can survive the events like Laura.

The scenes of Tatra Mountains (if I remember correctly) remind me of the snow and winter in Denmark. The harsh, dry and cold winter snow flakes falling down on the rooftops, cars and jackets of people on the streets. I love sticking my head out of our apartment window. The cold winter wind caressing my face as the snow flakes dance in front of me as it is the time of the year when they get to be in the limelight again....

Snow flaks dancing joyfully telling me that there exist purity somewhere in the world. Just have to pause and look for it.

I think of the times I went skiing and ice-skating. Freedom. Fresh Air. Love. Happiness!

I think of the times I look out the window and watch him walk home to warm cozy sofa and delicious warm food (cooked by me of course!).

I think of the little children playing with the snow in the park.

I think of the little ducks and swans gathering by the lake waiting for someone to feed them with bread crumbs to make it through the cold winter.

I think of the old ladies and old men sitting by the lake simply reading a book and enjoying the sun in the cold winter days.

The film simply brought back so many memories that I wish I were back in Copenhagen again, where life is truly enjoyed.

OKie dokie...time to sleep....

Dear Lord

Thank you for everything that has happened in my life. I pray for your blessings and guidance as I make my way through the challenges ahead. I pray that you keep Matt safe and happy. I pray that you will bless us with a happy and meaningful life ahead as we start the new chapter of our intertwined lives.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen!

Soldiers of Salamina

This is the last movie which we watched during the European Union Film Festival. It was simply shaking, if that is the right words to describe the experience.

The film is about a promising writer who has lost her inspiration to write. As she lives from day to day, she feels frustrated because she thinks that she can only read but not write. One day, she was asked to write an article about the Spanish Civil War. After the article was published, she received several letters. Some were harsh but some were encouraging. Then came this person who not only praised her for her excellent writing but also provided her a breakthrough. He managed to find her a book (which I cannot remember the title) on the writings of Rafael Sánchez Mazas. As she began to discover more about this character, she came upon Miralles, the soldier who gave Rafael the chance to escape execution during the Spanish Civil War. No one remembered him although Rafael's writing did include his escape experience. The film was marvellous. I remember vividly Miralles dancing to Paso Doblo in the rain as he sang. It was a period of uncertainty and fear. Yet, his actions brought smiles to the faces of the POWs, albeit they knew somewhere deep inside that they do not have much time to appreciate the droplets of rain they see.

While the history of the Spanish Civil War was being brought out through the scenes, what came across very strongly to me was the passion that the main character, Lola Cercas, had. She was thrown into one of her deepest and darkest periods of her life. Yet, somehow, she found interest in the character of Miralles and moved on to uncover the events which happened many years ago. As she uncovered the layers, she uncovered her true self as she becomes immersed in the entire chronology of events. Se felt the hurt, the happiness, the loneliness and hopelessness that Miralles felt throughout his life. Imagine being alone all these years after going through such dramatic and turmultous time during the War. As a young lad who joined the civil war purely to fulfil his father's wish, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. All he could think of was to make his father happy by taking his place in the historical event. He tried to keep his sanity and make sense of what was going on. He was an innocent young man whose heart was filled with love and innocence. Yet, the war showed him the other side of what he thought he knew. The conflicting scenes and feelings and emotions. How can one go through that? How can one even survive?

How can I put into words the very strong emotions I felt when I watched the film? It felt so real and close!

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A successful young novelist who has lost her inspiration, makes her living as a teacher and a journalist. Her latest assignment is to investigate a true story that took place at the end of the Civil War involving the infamous writer and ideological fascist, Rafael Sánchez Mazas. She discovers that he was to be murdered in a mass execution, but managed to escape with the help of an anonymous young soldier. The novelist gradually pieces together this story, riddled with contradictions and enigmatic characters. Unwittingly, as her search progresses, it is not only about finding the truth that she is after, but finding herself as well.

Source: http://www.festival-cannes.fr/films/fiche_film.php?langue=6002&id_film=4085306

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A new experience

We covered the topic of Geometry during Math class today. The activities that we carried out brought a fresh perspective to me. I have never thought of looking at Mathematical concepts such as angles and shapes this way. Most of us know that all angles in a triangle add up to 180 degrees. Yet, how many times have we ever questioned the origin and derivation of the rule? Our education has been focused on rote learning for so many years. Now, it is time to really think about and question the rationale and origins and principles. The photo above shows how to derive the rule that all angles in a triangle add up to 180 degrees. Are you able to see it?

A lucky little girl

Ruth came to class today as it she had no lessons. She is a lovely little girl, looks sweet and smart and lovable. She gives me no impression of a girl under the pressure of having to performed simply because her mother is a PhD holder and a Professor who lectures at the university. Instead, she simply enjoys her childhood with all the fun and of course discipline from her parents. Ruth is lucky to be born to such a mother and family which is able to provide her not only the necessities in life, but also all the love that parents can give.

I wonder if she feels proud of her mother everytime she comes to our class. Ee Moi is someone I respect alot. She not only has the knowledge to share with us, but she has this personality and way of being simply hrself which commands this very firm sense of respect filled with integrity. I am always very interested in her class. I can speak freely and I feel at ease. I do not feel put down when my views seem skewed or off tangent. Not in Ee Moi's class.

Ee Moi's way of teaching, her personality, and perhaps sometimes, that look she has in her eyes simply captivates me. I look up to her. I respect her. I admire her for achieving what she has today. A family, a Phd and a career which she is passionate about. I want to be like her. She inspires me. The twinkle in her eye shines at the very moments in life when I am tired and am looking out for signs of encouragement. Her smile is warm and true. She exudes happiness and bliss and joy.

If I were Ruth, and I see the professional side of her, I think I would be very proud of Ee Moi. I would look up to her and strive to be like her. Ee Moi knows what she wants. Despite the challenges in her life, she has come out strong and wise. There is clarity in her life and I know that I can trust her.

Dear Lord

I am not sure if this is called Providence or Fate. I am very happy to get to know Ee Moi and the other students in my SS class. This is one of the happiest times in my life, of course, other that the times I have shared with Matt. Thank you Lord for allowing our paths to cross for I have one more person to model after as I seek greater clarity and direction in my life.

IN the name of the Father, The Son and The Holy Spirit, Amen.

One step closer

As the days pass, I feel more jubilant. We are closer to building our own home. A home where we can feel safe and cozy.

Last weekend, we finally bought the critical pieces of furniture: TV console, sofa set, dinning table and coffee table. We exceeded our budget, by quite a bit. But, guess, it is the price to pay to decorate your home the way you want it. Afterall, a home should be a place where you long to be in at the end of a long day.

So now, we only have the other set of critical household appliances to purchase:the refrigerator, the washing machine and perhaps an oven for me to induge in cake-making. Guess we probably have to scrimp on the other things like lights and sinks. But, I surmise both of us will give in to our weakness for pretty things to go along with our Greece theme infused with an element of Nature.

So, let us simply count down the days.

Dear Lord

Thank you for the experiences that I have had so far. I am grateful for the peace and luxury in my life. I have the most wonderful husband and my career is beginning to open new doors. I hope that things will continue as they are as I take bigger steps towards teaching and inspiring the little ones. It really warms my heart to know that at least one of the little ones still remember me and listen to me. I hope that my words of encouragement will help them as they work towards a meaningful and rewarding life.

I do pray that I will be able to find my way towards new spiritual grounds too.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Intellectual Challenges

Recently, somehow, the feelings of stupidity and incommensurateness have drowned me and thrown me into a deep hole of depression. I feel that I am not learning and progressing. I feel that I am not moving in the direction of my destiny.

People around me talk about things which I am not interested in. The conversations are shallow and not intellectual. We are not discussing world issues or issues of individual significance at a more in-depth level. We are not looking at cause and effects, we are not looking at different perspectives and analysing the rationales, we are simply not thinking!!! And this worries me because I do not want my brain to deteriorate and become just another soul wondering aimlessly on this planet!!!!!

God help me work this out!!!! Have I lost my way. Please guide me, dear Lord.

Amen!

Cynism and Negativity

Reflection has recently been playing a greater role in my life. I think about things in life more often now. Not sure if it has caused me to become more skeptical, cynical or even negative. The number of things that irritate me as I observe them in my daily life has increased. It has somewhat affected me adversely as I become angry and I really wonder why people behave in certain manner.

For example, why do students always choke up the entrance to the bus stop? Do they not know that people need to pass and walk down the bridge to other destinations as well? Why do this certain group of students livin gon campus not take care of their personal hygiene? They smell so terribly that I wonder what kinds and how many kinds of germs and bacteria that they have on them? Why do girls starve themselves to the point that they look like sheets of paper ready to fly away with the wind? Why do some trainee teachers have the kind of nonchalent attitude towards learning? How can they ever be role models for the children if they themselves do not believe in learning? How can they keep a clear conscience by not contributing to group work? How can they have a clear conscience knowing that they are not learning enough to be able to impart the knowledge and skills to the children?

Yet, at the end of each day, I always ask myself if it is worth the risk of High Blood Pressure to be so concerned about things which mya not necessary be in my scope of control. Ultimately, we all go through learning processes. Perhaps they will learn one day. Perhaps....

Hence, there is no reason to go to bed thinking about the negative things in life. God has a reason for everything. We simply have to do our best and leave the rest up to God.

Vienna Boys Choir

What a wonderful evening! (Oder was fuer einen wunderschoener Abend!) Es war toll! I enjoyed the evening so much. The wonderful voices of the boys from Vienna. The looks and expressions on their faces. The beautiful tunes of the songs they sang. The money paid was more then worth the experience. This said, love and appreciation ideally should not be measured using quantitative terms. I have so much to write. The roller-coaster emotions that I experienced during the approximately two hour performance kept me on my toes and brought back fond memories.

The boys performed a repertoire of classical, modern, cultural and pop music in an infused way. Why do I say 'infused'? They took the traditional way of presenting choral music and add their personal touch to it. I believe that no words can describe it. One has to experience it!

I love the pieces that they performed. The ability to pick out German words further enhanced my enjoyment and appreciation.

Apart from their so perfect voices and appealing acting, one of the things that captured my heart was the fact that they performed the Chinese melody of 'Jasmine Flower", or 'Mo Li Hua". It cam during the Encore session when the audience simply kept on clapping and wishing for more. Then the conductor came back on stage with that smile on his face. He started playing the melody and it sounded seemingly terribly familiar. And the boys slipped into the melody of the song which raised the goose bumps on my arms. It simply sounded so familiar and I was trying so hard to recognise it. The Ah-Ha moment came when one of my friends whispered the title of the song into my ears. And everything simply fell into place. I could make out the words. And taking into consideration that they are simply very young boys with musical talent and with minimal exposure to the oriental culture and language, I was simply thrown off my seat byt the quality of their pronunciation. They probably only have a vague idea of what the song is about. But the fact that they even took the efforts to learn something of the host's culture simply moved me to tears. I was shocked, in a positive manner. My jaws dropped, tears welled up in my eyes. THat moment was simply too sweet and wonderful and magical. If only the world can live in peace in the name of love and appreciation of beauty.

ALright, I have to stop here for now. My eyes are too irritated by the haze that I can barely open them. Will write more soon.

http://serverstats.checkpointmedia.com/english/main.asp

Wedding (in my regional context) and Slavery

The definition of the term 'Slavery' from Mariam-Webster Online Dictionary is that of 'a submission to a dominating influence'. I associate this concept of slavery to that of the wedding practices of mainly Chinese in my region. In some cases, for Chinese people, their parents determine and make the decisions as to who they should marry, who they should associate with, how their marriage ceremonies should be carried out, where they should live after marriage, how many children they should have and so on.

There was a conversation between two disc jockeys on a Chinese radio station this morning about 'bribing' or getting into the good books of in-laws through the giving of gifts and paying lip service.

Call me cynical but I can clearly see the association between Chinese wedding practices and their way of life and the concept of slavery. There is always the dominating party/parties, in our case, the parents. And we always have to act and behave in a way which pleases them.

THe question is, do they own our lives? Are they living our lives? Are we then slaves?

While some people may say that respect and family values are the actual beliefs underlying the lives of Chinese, I wonder if it is simply slavery in disguise. Respect has to be earned. Just simply because someone is the biological parent of a child, does not mean that the child give respect the person without questioning.

Am I too extreme? I wonder.

Where does the concept of freedom and liberty to walk one's own path come into the picture?

My recent days

My recent days have been filled with so much love, warmth and security. WE spent the weekend prior to my birthday in Bintan. The weather was not really helping much as it was raining most of the time. So we spent most of our time indoors watching tv, going for spa treatments, enjoying meals at the restaurant and simply taking walks around the resort and by the beach. We simply enjoyed each other's company. The time was so sweet. Somehow, it seems sweeter than the past. Or put it another way, our love for each other seems to be getting sweeter with every passing day now.

Often, I saw smiles on his face as he makes fun of me every now and then. I used to mind the fact that he often crack jokes on me. Now, it does not seem to matter anymore so long as I see the smile on his face.

I wanted to have dinner at Kelong and he went along. He finally had to try eating the crabs using his own hands. It was fun observing him as he clumsily tried to get the flesh out of the many pieces of shells. Still, I pampered him by giving him the pieces of crab which did not need so much working on. We had a wonderful dinner. The food was great. The setting was great: a table by the water with the sea breeeze blowing the entire time.

The pace of life was slow and relaxed. I brought my notes but did not managed to look at them much as I was trying to take in the moments as much as I can.

We talked and chatted about our future together: our new place, our plans to have children, our plans to move abroad.

I totally enjoyed my time with him in Bintan and we took really nice pictures. Nice in the sense that I can see myself smiling radiantly.

Finally, someone who loves me, cares for me, gives me warmth, understands me, protects me and shows me that I am not unwanted or invisible.

The journey

How do we know if our flame is getting weaker as we make our way towards our goal? What are the symptoms? How can we brighten the flames of the children whom we will be in charge of in the future?

I know that I still have the passion in me. Yet, I have been feeling tired. Somehow, I need to fuel that flame. I want to regain the energy levels that I used to have and push myself to the limit. It is only when we are pushed to the limit will we be able to achieve a higher level of understanding and enlightenment.

But I should not impose that idea on others. This is bearing in mind that we all have different objectives in life. Yet, we are all teachers. We play the critical role of guiding our students so that they can appreciate life and the world around them in a more positive way and make positive contributions. Yet, this is always in conflict with the fact that we are humans after all. We do have our flaws and weaknesses. And we all have different tolerance levels for imperfection.

Oh no!!! I should not fall into that trap. I should always have high expectations. Only with that can we move to a higher plane of thinking and understanding and appreciating the intricacies of life. Something which I regret not having attained the slightest bit at all the past twenty over years.

God help me!
Amen!

Still pondering

I am still thinking about the incident where I sort of instigated the change in groupings in one of my modules. I felt very uncomfortable with a group of people from the Chinese Ed module and I do not want to work with them. Looking at the demands of the modules and the assignment, I thought that it would be most effective and efficient to work in a group where there would be no communication barriers and no time-tabling barriers.

I finally found a group of three others where we do not have any of the barriers and we work in a rather efficient manner.

Yet, I still wonder if I had sent the message of discrimination. Most people would say that teachers should not discriminate, especially when you are trained to teach Social Studies. God says that we should not stereotype and discriminate too.

But my experiences have made me act otherwise. I predicted that if we worked with them, we would end up doing most of the work and editing. I had made the assumption that they would not be able to contribute based on their command of the English language. I hold firmly to the belief that when one is in a foreign country and working and living there, one should make sure that one can contribute and not depend on the host for hand-outs. While the locals may help to orientate the newcomers during the initial stage and perhaps in special situations, I feel that it is the newcomers' job to assimilate and adopt the practices and expectations of the locals. They may still keep their practices but the practices of the locals should take priority. Assimilation also includes changes in behaviour to fall into the acceptance zone of the locals.

My experiences with them have been negative. I find them loud, dirty,rude, ignorant and insensitive. Well, locals are like that too, one may say that.

Especially after the episode where they debated and lobbied for the rights to work here while keeping their children company during their studies. Logically, if you are here to look after your children while they pursue an education, you have roles and responsibilities to fulfil. You should have done your calculations and made sure that you are able to survive in a foreign land and not blame the locals for being discriminatory. In a market where jobs are scarce, locals would of course want to protect their survival and exercise their sovereignty. What would happen to the locals if so many foreigners come in and take away their jobs, on the assumption that both are equally able to perform?

Think about the social impact with their arrival. Vice, criminal activities and social disruptions have occurred and they occur in really ridiculous settings.

With all this, how do you expect the locals to trust the newcomers? There may be exceptions, but how is one to know which one is the exception. There is nothing written on their foreheads or face. Even so, can we take it so literally?

Oh God, please help me rationalize this! Amen.

A new discovery!!

Guess what??

I leant that a Smurf is 3 apples tall!

Heeheee....

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/business/5317982.stm

Simply wonderful feeling....

It is simply a wonderful feeling to sit at a cafe, have a cuppa and either read or surf the Internet. Of course, this is based on the assumption that the cafe that one has chosen is a comfortable, peaceful safe and rather quiet place to chill out.

Or maybe I have been too stressed out that I have not been able to enjoy such little pleasures in life!

But still, Thank the Lord for allowing me to enjoy this wondrous moment now. It really helps to take my mind away from stressful and negative thoughts!

You can do it , Jo! Keep your head up and keep your smile on your face!!! Seek and you shall find!!!!

Feeling misunderstood

It all happened during SS class today. J showed us a video clip on the topic of the strategies used in teaching SS. The clip showed the perfect class with cooperative students, engaging teacher, and so on. The topic dealt with was Archeology. As part of the lesson, the teacher asked the class to bring heirlooms to school. If they did not have any, they could bring something which they would want to give to their children in the future.

I do agree with the method used to tune in to the topic. Yet, I worry for children who may not have the ideal family situation to support learning. I thought of children who are at risk, children who come from broken homes and have developed a negative idea of the future and society. THey would not be able to appreciate what is being done in class. I thought of children who may become emotional when topics such as Love and Family are brought into the class. Teachers need to know how to manage such situations when children are not able to keep their emotions and outbursts in check. That was the point which I was trying to bring across to the class. Yet J stopped me short before I could really transmit my point. In the end, the answer given was something which I already knew. I know that the teacher in the video clip tried to cater for such situations when she said that children who do not have heirloom may bring something they want to pass on to their next generation.

Am I thinking too much? Are my worries unfounded? I really wonder. Why do I always end up with such thoughts after attending J's SS class? I always feel that I am off tangent. Am I really that terrible?

Dear Lord

Please help me. Am I tredding on the wrong path? Are my thoughts not valid? I feel as if I am losing sight of my goals. Please help me Lord. Please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.