Most people have similar thoughts about what a home should be. I think I am not different too. I long for a place where I can rest and feel at ease in. A shelter where it is warm and cozy. A shelter where you can live your life and go through your daily routines with people you love around you. A place where you feel safe and uninhibited. I long to have a place of my own where I can feel free to express myself. Knowing myself, I know that I cannot express myself in front of people with whom I have an official or formal relationship with, just like Matt's parents. Subconsciously, there will be boundaries. Any wrong step will result in disasters. I am not sure if he really understands this. He keeps saying that as long as you have a roof over your head, why should you worry about getting a new flat. On the other hand, he also says that the flat has to be perfect and hence we need to take more time to search for one. I am not really getting that message that he is trying to send to me. On one hand, I think he wants to stay with his parents. On the other hand, we are having a wonderful time living on our own now. I think the former is stronger.
At the same time, he sends me the message that it is not right for me to make requests or demand. It is not right to plan my life. (which I have to disagree). Perhaps I am getting the wrong signals or interpreting things wrongly. Yet I cannot seem to find any encouraging signals. I feel lost in the sense that I am losing control of my life. A control freak I am not but I want to know where I am heading at least for the next few years. God help me!!!
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