THe smiles on their faces

Today, I made a stop at the lake just to take in some fresh air and admire the scenary while I still can. It was cold with chilly winds blowing from all directions. Once again, I rewarded myself with a ristet hotdog after gym. My stomach was growling non-stop.

I sat on a bench and watched the sun go down. Meanwhile, there was this lady who had two garbage bags full of bread with her. She was tearing the bread into small pieces and throwing them into the part of the lake where it was not frozen. The swans, the birds, and the duckies were all flying around her. There should have been probably about a few hundreds. They were happily feeding on the bread crumbs. Guess the fowls are hungrier because it is winter and less people go to the lakes during this weather.

SOme time later, a guy in red jacket came riding along and brought another garbage bag full of bread. He started to feed the fowls too. Another old lady was sitting nearby. She came and they gave her some bread and she also started feeding the birds. THe old lady had difficulty moving and so she sat on the bench comfortably, tearing the bread and throwing them onto the ground so that the birds could feed on them.

I watched them feed the birds. The guy had a smile constantly on his face as he fed the birds. He tried different tricks, such as throwing the bread crumbs in different ways to see how the birds would react. He is happy doing what he was doing. Then I told myself, as long as I am happy teaching, why should I be concerned with other things such as living with his parents when I can be happy elsewhere? Perhaps happiness from seeing my students' face light up when they learn outweighs everything else, including inconveniences and discomforts of staying with his parents?

The possible inconveniences of restricting our body language, not showing our affections openly, not being able to express our thoughts and emotions could perhaps be replaced by seeing the smiles on my students' faces?

Why should I make demands? Why can't I adapt to new environments just like the birds? WHy can't I build endurance within myself emotionally and mentally? Why am I so weak?

Then came along a little girl with her mother. I guess she should be about two or three years old. She was so fascinated by the big flock of birds that she slowed down simply to watch the adults feed the birds. The guy and lady then invited the little girl and her mother to join in and partake in the simple task. The little girl did it with joy and fun as she discovered new dimensions to her view of life on earth. Her mother was there to help her and of course make sure that she does not fall into the lake as there were no barricades to prevent people from falling into the lake.

Tears came to my eyes as I watched this scene. The guy looks happy doing what he enjoys, the little girl explores life with someone there to guide her and share the experience with her. I cried because I am happy for them, at the same time, I feel sad for myself because I never really had anyone by my side when I grew up. It was a lonely journey and only God knows how it feels. I feel sad because I know that I will never be happy anymore. I am cursed with a life of loneliness and emptiness. I have been cursed such that I cannot enjoy a truly blissful life. One can say that you choose to be happy. I chose to recognize my emptiness and sadness. I chose to think of life with his parents as something which is exposed and insecured and stressful. It is all about choices. I know I should learn to look at the bright side of life. Yet, I can find no reasons to do so.

The happier they look, the sadder I grew.

Slowly, the sun began to set and I started out on my way home. This house in Copenhagen is what I call home, my real home. It won't exist soon. Just like my happiness during the past one year is coming to an end with the trip back to Singapore.

A Wedding which is not mine....and its underlying implications

Back to square one....the topic of wedding and marriage....

Most girls would have dreamt of how they want their wedding to be; pretty wedding dress, beautiful make-up, party or celebration in the most romantic and memorable way they want it to be, pretty pictures and so on...

I never dreamt of how I want my wedding to be. Never had this thought. The ideas came to me in the form of movies on television and in the cinemas. When I watch movies and see the actor and actress get married in whichever romantic setting, I simply say to myself,"Perhaps my wedding should be like this or like that". And slowly, the different ideas simply start accumulating. But I never ever had a favourite wedding even till now. I don't know how I want my wedding to be like. I never thought about it. Even if I think about it, I have no idea what I want, because I have no expectations at all.

Sometimes, I wonder if I deserve to even have a partner. What have I done to deserve such good things in life? A life without much hardships, a life of exploration so far. What have I done? I am not an angel, I was not a volunteer to help other people, I have not been exceptionally good or of service to anyone. So do I have any grounds to make demands? No, I do not. I have not worked for the good things that happened in my life.

On the basis that I have not been good enough to deserve such a comfortable life, I should not make further demands. I should be glad that I have a roof over my head, food to fill my stomach, air to breathe, clothes to keep me warm, gym to keep my body fit and so on. I have no grounds to demand for a house of my own or a room of my own. I should be satisfied with space to live in, sleep in and work in. I should be grateful if people are nice to me. I have not done anything to deserve friendly or nice treatment from others.

There is nothing that I can call my own other then my own body. Even the wedding, it is not my own because it is a result of decisions made by so many other people, and not me. I play the only role of being a vase, or an ornament on display. The purpose is to show other people that someone on earth has chosen a product, which looks good, to show other people that some people on earth has done a good job of providing for their offspring, to show other people that their offspring has chosen a satisfactory product to carry on the reproduction cycle.

Where am I heading in my life? Other than being sure about teaching, I am not sure about anything else, or rather, I am having second thoughts. I guess I am still ploughing through the haystack looking for that one needle to prick myself awake.

Depression and negativity has taken over me now. I can still appreciate the little nice things in life such as the snow and the little duckies on the lakes. BUt I do not know how long I can manage this. HOw I wish the NIE term can start soon so that I can immerse myself in work and not think about anything else.

What have I achieved during the last 26 years? I wonder, what I can consider as "achievements"? Am I living my life up to my potential? Am I living my life the way that makes me happy? What makes me happy? Travelling? Not working? Attending classes? Being a mentor to others? Being where when someone needs someone to talk to? Being kind to subordinates and not force them to do things that they dun wanna do? Being empathetic? (Or are these signs of weaknesses that I allow others to run my life and make decisions on my behalf?)

By allowing other to make decisions for "my"wedding, am I weak? Am I useless? Am I incapable of deciding what I want such that others have to step in to make the decisions for me automatically? Have I projected the image that I am in need of help, that I am handicapped and unable to act for myself?

THe society conditions itself that weddings are happy occassions and its members should rejoice in it. Yet, it holds no meaning for me. Marriages and family life have projected an image of unhappiness and misery to me. Not many people can understand that. People have asked me why I avoid my family, why can I not reconcile the differences with them. It is difficult to explain to them. Words simply cannot describe the fear, the pain and the emptiness of life for the past 26 years. Even if there are words to describe my feelings, I am doubtful that others can fully understand it, unless they have been through it.

WIth no foundations on the emotional part, I enter the new chapter of my life with emptiness, I wonder if I really understand what love is. My concepts of love and emotions have been picked up from television and movies. Movies and characters tell me what sadness mean, and other emotions. My heart is cold for I scarcely feel anything.

It is perhaps only now, that I start to feel, real feelings. They scare me, they warm me at the same time. I am a beginner at this. I do not know how to manage and deal with them, other than crying myself to sleep, pushing myself into an abyss of depressions and self-delusion, other than deprecating myself, I have no idea what to do.

Some people around me envy me for the life that I lead now, yet they know not that my heart is somehow not alive. My soul is lost and still in search for something I know not of.

So far, all I have learnt about myself is that little things make me feel alive. LIttle things like a smile from a child, a friend, or a stranger. An innocent stroke of my hand from a little kid, showing love and affection makes me happy. Being able to help a child work through their tasks and assignments give me the satisfaction in life. Being there for someone to listen to their worries and offer some perspectives makes me feel good.

Besides all these, I still feel empty somehow. Whether I switch the tv and radio on at the same time or not does not help to fill up the emptiness. (since I have grown up in emptiness anyway)

Ok...i am blabbering...no train of thoughts...time to go to bed....

Dear Lord, please help me......Amen!

Stop being so NAIVE!!!!!

To Jo....

Hey you stupid woman!! Wake up....you know it will never happen. Why spend so much money on renovation and just stay there for a few months or a couple of years? Be prepared to land yourself into another shit hole and die miserably!!!! Live as if you are living in a hostel;but living in a hostel makes me feel much more comfortable than anything else because I still have some freedom at least to do what I want without having watchful eyes following me all the time. And I do not have to account for my absence to anyone.

No more privacy, no more showing of affection to him anywhere else except in the room. No more space to do your private stuff, no more space for anything else. Even if there is, you can forget about it because there will be someone watching you.

Just hide yourself in the room and work all day or surf the Internet all day. Forget about watching tv, forget about listening to music except thru ur earphones. Forget about cooking anything because you will be crossing the space boundary. Be prepared to hear someone nagging at you to have the customary ceremony. Be prepared to force yourself to talk even when you are tired. Prepare to wear that smiley face on your face no matter how much discomfort you feel. Be prepared to spend time alone out of the house. Cry your heart out at the ocean where the wind will dry your tears and comfort you rather than the person you love.

Why did I choose to be with someone who is not my ideal kind of guy? Well, jo. There is no ideal guy for you. Chances are there never will be. Be glad that there is someone who cares for you at the minimum and is willing to take care of you. Why should you ask for more? DO you deserve it? No, you don't!!

Fear is the emotion driving you towards insanity. You do not know how to express your fear. It is made worse by the fact that he does not tell you what he thinks till the final moment. It is made worse by the fact that he does not share with you anything other than remarks and comments on the surface.

You over-react. Things are not confirmed yet. We do not know what will happen in the future. So why are you worrying yourself excessively now? YOu are so F***** up!!!

Enjoying a Ristet Hotdog in Winter

I love standing near the hotdog stand and eat a Ristet hotdog while watching people walk past. Especially during winter when it is so cold that anything warm in your hands feels like heaven. Just a simple hotdog with ketchup, pickles and onions makes me so happy....but this is not permanent.

Selective Amnesia

I wonder, for me to move on, do I have to exercise the option of selective amnesia? As we move towards the future, we experience different things. Happiness, sadness, anger, misery, frustration, hopelessness and so on. Those moments will pass with time and so will the emotions. At certain points in life, do we stop and say, "Ok, I shall selectively delete this and that piece of my memory." Why do I have that thought?

As I move on to the next chapter of my life, I want to put the unhappy memories behind and move on to enjoy life and the moments. I want to grow up and take charge of my life so that here is meaning in more of what I do, so that I can be happy.

So, from this point of view, selective amnesia does apply here. We want to lose the memory but not the lesson. Can this be done? The lesson is tied to the memory. Without the memory, there would be no meaning to the lesson. How can we achieve that?

Things have happened and they cannot be reversed. Accept them for the lessons learnt. But draw a line and not let them affect your outlook of life. Constantly remind yourself of that....

The future with G....

G is someone who is very close to me. We have been friends for the longest time and he understands me almost perfectly. Throughout the first 26 years of our lives, we have shared many experiences together although there were pockets of time when we lost contact with each other. Despite all this, he still understands me that well.

Things have now changed. I am married and he has found himself a girlfriend. I sometimes wonder if we are still able to do things together. I mean, we go to movies together, travel together, try out new restaurants together, explore new things and places together and so on. Now, we have different people to share our lives with. Will we lose our friendship? Will we lose the fun that we used to have together?

While his girlfriend is a very nice and sweet girl, my husband is not so out-going. So, it is near to zero possibility to create a couple group and have fun together.

At the same time, I do not want to impose or intrude into their lives as they embark on this special journey together. This is their journey which they have to experience together and share the stories with their children and children's children. I give them my blessings and I am truly happy that they have found each other. The flip side of the coin is, I know that I have to let go now and accept the fact that we simply may not have so much time to share together in the days to come.

Have we stopped wondering?

Have we stopped wondering about life and things in life? Is it because we have been given answers too easily and in abundant amounts that we actually have the problem of digesting information rather than making sense out of them?

What is sense anyway? One plus one equals two. Does that make sense? Why is one one and not two? WHy is three three and not six? Have we wondered about how things came about and why things are the way they are? Or has this task been assigned unspoken to the scientists and researchers?

What is happiness? What do we expect out of life? Why do we need expectations in life? What is peace? At which point in our lives are we in balance? Why should we be in balance? There are so many questions which we probably should ask ourselves but have not done so. Should we start soon?

After wondering, should we make decisions? Or should we live our lives according to decisions made by others?

Die Wahl

Die Wahl des Lebens

The choices of life.

We cannot choose the land or families that we are born in. But we can choose the life that we want to lead. I was born in Singapore into a Chinese family. Yet I grew up choosing to believe and place my faith in a set of values and beliefs which differ from the conventional Chinese. Some people have this thought: You were born a Chinese, and so you shall adopt all the belief systems and act according to what the conventional Chinese say.

Well, if we were to apply logic along the line of freedom, I have the freedom to choose what I eat, what I wear etc. And hence, I have the freedom to choose which set of beliefs and values to adopt. While the external environment is there to exert influence on me, I have my freedom to choose, whether consciously or subconsciously.

From the other point of view, people are born with sentimental feelings. Somehow, the human race seeks to retain and preserve what they are comfortable with. And sometimes, this means imposing one's values and actions on the other.

Well, I wonder how many people understand my point of view, that we are all individuals with the right to choose whenever we can?

The image of a teacher.....

How do children view teachers? How do adults view their trainers who are there to impart information, knowledge and experiences to them in aid of their progress?

What affects the impression that children and adults form?

Do the teacher's gestures and actions play a part? Their facial expressions? Their punctuality? The way they deliver the knowledge? the way they answer questions?

Sometimes, I really wonder if my Danish teacher derives at least minimum satisfaction in teaching. While she follows a structure to ensure results, I seem not to detect any vibe from her that she loves her job. Does she view it only as a job or sth different?

From my point of view, she has a very impt role to play. She does not only teach a langauge, she is sharing her history and social knowledge with us. She has all the opportunities to do so to help us understand the people and place that she has chosen to live in and adapt to. Another important aspect is that she is helping to minimize the possible conflicts between foreigners and locals, which will lead to a more harmoniously living climate here. While teaching a language, she has so many opportunities to share with us the lifestyles and intricacies in the life of a Dane.

I believe that the role of a teacher will never and can never be replaced. The teacher does not only impart knowledge. The teacher inspires and excites the learners in their quest to understand the world. As the the human race evolves quicker in more complicated ways, we need to find meaning in what we do. Through communication and sharing can we do this. More brains yield better results. The teacher facilitates this discovery process by creating opportunities for the class to share their ideas and opinions. That is the essence of learning! But, do we see the other aspects and perspectives?

Popcorn ---> Students ---> Enlightenment?

I enjoy the process of cooking popcorn. You pour some oil in the pan, wait for a little while for the pan and oil to be heated up, throw in the seeds, cover the pan and wait..... Then suddenly, you will start to hear popping sounds. Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop, Pop....one by one, the seeds begin to explode and you get the white fluffy popcorn.

I began to associate popcorn with students recently. Students are on their paths to understanding things around them. Whenever they achieve a certain milestone, it is just like a seed popping. The heat and oil are stimulants to help achieve the desired results. Well, a teacher could be the heat factor considering that they are always there to motivate and push the students along the way. Oil could be represented using technology or books and so on.

What an analogy by Jo! Haha....

Definitions of a journalist, a reporter and a correspondent

Journalist = a writer or newspapers and magazines
Reporter = a writer, investigator or presenter of news stories
Correspondent = ONe employed by print or broadcast media to supply news stories or articles

Hmmm.....looking at the three occupations above, can one conclude that the ultimate objective of the three persons is to transmit information from all parts to the world to the international arena? THis transmission of information could be done through many channels such as through the means of writing or speaking or presentation. Nevertheless, the written channel will still be utilized no matter what as it is one of the most effective way to capture information and pass it on.

From the perspective of people in the media industry, I wonder if there is a strict definition among these three occupations?

Little fairies on the frozen lake....

It is winter time. When the temperature gets really low, the waters of the rivers and lakes freeze. It is no different for the lakes near our apartment. It is now January and the temperatures hover around zero degrees. The lakes are more or less almost frozen perhaps except for small portions where there is still water in liquid form.

Everytime I pass by the lakes, I love to observe the little fairies frolicking on the ice and in the parts of the lake where there is still water. The little fairies are the little birds, swans and ducks on the lake. THey live here. Everyday, there will be people who come to the lake for a stroll or simply to take in the peaceful and beautiful view. Some of them would definitely bring some bread to feed the fairies. Whenever such people come, the fairies would surround them and sing to the care-giver. For this means that they welcome the care in terms of food.

Imagine calm waters, skies covered with some grey clouds, cold winter wind, only a few people sitting by the lake reading a book or communicating with friends. Cars are streaming by at moderate speed. Cafes by the lake are serving their customers with hot drinks and probably some pastries in a room filled with warmth instead of the freezing cold.

I love this part of Copenhagen. It is peaceful. One can appreciate the beauty and meanwhile find peace within themselves. One can find the time to reflect and think about issues which they feel strongly about. One can find the space to think about life and its meaning.

It is sad that I will be leaving soon. Nevertheless, one thing for sure is that I will bring this piece of scenery with me in mind heart and mind.

The feeling that Rome gave me....

Rome is a place that would remain in my memories for several reasons.

First of all, the collection of historical architectural monuments. THey are so magnificent and so full of history. Every sand every stone, every block and every column tells a story. While the government tries its very best to preserve what it still has, there is evidence that history and its details are slowly seeping away as more and more tourists visit the city and are careless when appreciating the beauty of the monuments.

Second of all, traffic lights are of no use in Rome, or perhaps only the cars are obliged to obey the rules. Pedestrians are kings of the roads. The Italians cross the roads without any regard for the traffic lights or rules. WIthin a few hours of touring the city, both of us have more or less picked up the trick of crossing the roads. Lesson learnt : Just put your foot on the road when you see a gap between two cars and bravely walk ahead. The cars will automatically slow down even if they are driving at high speed. Of course, when you notice that the cars probably cannot slow down that fast, then perhaps you may want to pause for a few seconds and allow the cars to pass first. It is a give-and-take relationship.

Third of all, Italians exude a very interesting air around them. It is not a negative force, neither is it a positive force. It is a feeling that tells me that they have made peace with the elements around them. THeir vivacious way of verbal expressions, their confidence with their own langauge and culture and identity. It is just like we were in this vacuum of no extremes.

Rome is a special city to be in. HOwever, somehow, I just feel that there exists a suppression of the many stories that the city wants to tell. Perhaps it is the globalization and modernization of the city.

Should sensors be invented for cameras?

For some reasons, my hands have been trembling recently whenever I hold the camera to snap pictures with it. Perhaps someone should invent some sort of device or technology to use sensors instead of the manual buttons on the camera?

The take-off

I always enjoy and love the few moments on the plane when it takes off. It would be perfect when I am seated just by the window. As one sits there quietly, one experiences a whole series of movements and workings.

The plane starts to manoeuvre slowly towards its assigned take-off runway. YOu can feel the machines working as the vibrations rock the plans and the seats in the plane. Then comes a time of silence.....and we wait...and wait.....and all of a sudden, the machines start pumping and climbs the scale towards the full blast of power. While this is happening, the wheels of the plans rolls as quickly as they possibly could to keep up with the powerful thrust of the plane's engines. And soon, the plane moves above and off the tarmac runway. The ground suddenly seems unparallel to you and your entired body leans back according to the angle that the plan is flying at.

THe ground gets further and further away and I get the feeling that I am being rescued from all my troubles and taken to a land of happiness and new experiences. THings on the ground gets smaller. My negative thoughts and emotions are being diminished and taken far away from me.

Soon I reach the skies and I see the clouds just in front of me. THe white fluffy clouds which always reminds me of cotton candy. So sweet and nice....

The take-off allows me to start my life all over again.

The meaning of a home....

Most people have similar thoughts about what a home should be. I think I am not different too. I long for a place where I can rest and feel at ease in. A shelter where it is warm and cozy. A shelter where you can live your life and go through your daily routines with people you love around you. A place where you feel safe and uninhibited. I long to have a place of my own where I can feel free to express myself. Knowing myself, I know that I cannot express myself in front of people with whom I have an official or formal relationship with, just like Matt's parents. Subconsciously, there will be boundaries. Any wrong step will result in disasters. I am not sure if he really understands this. He keeps saying that as long as you have a roof over your head, why should you worry about getting a new flat. On the other hand, he also says that the flat has to be perfect and hence we need to take more time to search for one. I am not really getting that message that he is trying to send to me. On one hand, I think he wants to stay with his parents. On the other hand, we are having a wonderful time living on our own now. I think the former is stronger.

At the same time, he sends me the message that it is not right for me to make requests or demand. It is not right to plan my life. (which I have to disagree). Perhaps I am getting the wrong signals or interpreting things wrongly. Yet I cannot seem to find any encouraging signals. I feel lost in the sense that I am losing control of my life. A control freak I am not but I want to know where I am heading at least for the next few years. God help me!!!

A stroll to school...

It took me quite a bit to get out of bed this morning. My legs were as heavy as stone and they simply refuse to budge even when I kept asking them to. No matter how many signals my brain sent to my nerves at my legs. SOmehow, when the clock struck quarter past seven, I simply flew out of bed to the bathroom. Any minute or second later and I will be late. Obediently, I got cleaned up and dressed up for the weather. The winter demands thick jackets, scarves and gloves. After being all geared up, I stepped out of my house into the harsh winter cold. As I walked in the cold, the pores of my skin tighten and screamed in horror. They hurt so much in the cold that my skin turned stiff. I took the bus to school. Before I reached the classroom, I got myself a cup of coffee. Coffee is a must for me. It gives me the energy to get through the whole day. It tastes great too! I am a coffee lover....heeheee..

As I walked, I could feel the cold triggering the atoms and cells in my body. The cold is asking my body to get up and enjoy the day's activities. Bit by bit, I felt much better and less lethargic. Class went by today with nothing much to talk about. We went through the routines as usual practising our pronunciation and reading. Not much grammar is being done yet as we are still quite limited in terms of our knowledge and usage of the language.

As I walked to class, I noticed the street lamps. The street lamps here are supported by wires tied to the buildings around. Each lamp is suspended in the air using wires attached to the buildings. WIth each lamp, I am reminded of how inter-related we are and how much support we need to maintain status quo. I am also reminded of how our lives are tied to one another. Just like the people who come into our lives teach us something. After we have learnt the lesson, they either stay or leave and move on to their next task.

I hope that I can stay in the lives of many of my students so that there will always be someone there for them when they need someone. The experience of feeling lost without having a mentor to guide oneself is miserable. So many nights I have cried and begged for God's helping hand to send someone to me to show me the way. The pain penetrates through my heart and soul. The tears just flow without showing signs of stopping. Now that I have moved on with the help of some of my friends, I want to extend this to others as well, to reduce their pain and show them that there is hope in life. We may not take the route that most people take, or speak the langauge that most people speak, but we live a life that we want and that we feel happy with. This is what living is all about, at least for me.

Having been left alone for most part of my life, I cherish the attention and care showered on me. It touches my heart and warms me when I look at the picture of us together.

Did I get on my Danish teacher's nerves? Haha

Today is the first day of my one and only Danish language course in 2006. It was interesting, I would say. As with most foreign language courses, there are participants from many different countries who speak different languages. There was this girl who was dressed very elegantly. Chanel jacket and high heels...wow!!! What an impression.

The general atmosphere of the class seems to be very low in energy levels. Everyone seems to be quite individualistic to a slight extent. Or perhaps it is just that I could not feel any of their vibes in learning the language?

Anyway, it was really fun for me. FIrst of all, I was so excited and amazed at the language that I kept smiling to myself. Then the teacher asked me why I was smiling and I replied that the pronunciation is so different. Perhaps she thought I was somewhere else. Throughout the entire lesson, whenever there is an opportunity, she would ask me questions and practise the sentence structures with me. WHy is this so? I wonder. Or perhaps she thought that I was laughing at the language or at her? Or perhaps her behaviour is typical of a teacher. A stern look and serious attitude.

ANd when I listen hard to make sure that I got the correct pronunciation of the teacher, I looked intensely at her. There was a direct and all-consuming connection. Did I scare her with my "stare" too? Hmmmm.....

THis incident really brought my attention to the idea of learner behviour. When children are excited and smile alot or talk a lot, is that something negative? Should teachers be happy that the students are responding or should they be concerned with the other extreme end of thought that the kids are thinking about something else? Or is this just basic human curiosity? We want to know things which has a mysterious outlook? Or is it the idea of being included? Part of our biological make up requires us to be included in groups for protection and sense of identity. When someone exhibits behaviour which appeals to the other person, the other person would want to be included. Was I sending that signal to the teacher such that she wanted to be included in my train of thoughts too?

It is interesting to think about this incident because there are just so many possibilities and this incident confirms that there was a connection made between me and my teacher.

I guess, my reactions and body langauge simply amazed the teacher because I was so happy, exhilerated, enthusiastic, earnest and fervent. Danish is afterall not a popular language as compared to maybe English or German or French. People learn Danish mainly because their spouses are Danish or they have to be stationed in Denmark for some time. Hence, motivation levels are not of a first-degree, rather, they are of a second-degree measurement. Hence, one of the conclusions could be that she has never seen such an ardent student like me!

Nevertheless, it was a good start. The pace was alright. We covered quite a fair bit during the three hours. Now it is back to my responsibility to revise and do the homework!

See ya!

Dear Lord

A simple "Thank you" for this wonderful experience!

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen!

Another sleepless night

Here goes my night again...typing away on my laptop. For whatever reasons, I just cannot sleep even when I want to. This is not the first time and I really wonder why. Have I been thinking too much? Or have I been waking up late every morning. Please let me sleep on time and wake up on time, dear body.....

Philosophy....Is it helpful for children? How can we introduce it to them?

I have been wondering.....is Philosophy helpful for children? Are they able to understand simple concepts in Philosophy? Will the concepts help to motivate them and stimulate their thinking? Will it make learning and school more interesting for the pupils?

There is a possibility and I believe in that. Pupils are still at their infancy stage of understanding what goes on around them and what the world is about. If we are able to stimulate them using philosophical ideas, we get them to think deeper about life. They get to explore principles and concepts and ultimately, there could be significant impact on how they make decisions and live their lives?

Then the question is whether philosophy and religions have conflicts. There may be. How do we draw the line? Where do we draw the line? I wonder....

Pearl Harbour

Pearl Harbour is just one other movie that I never get tired of after watching so many times. I watched it again last night. It reminded me about many things. Success, hope, loyalty, friendship, life and so on. The scenes are forever so captivating. It never fails to remind me about the difficult journey towards success in life and the difficult decisions that we have to make. It never fails to remind me about Japan and their atrocities. Likewise with Germany and their past actions. It all boils down to the decisions made by those few people. A simple decision and so many people suffer emotionally and physically.
Politics is never a nice game to play. But I have to give my kudos to those who make a living out of politics. It requires lots of brainwork and tactics.

Silvester 2006

I did not expect Silvester 2006 to be such fun. It was my first time letting off fireworks. The experience was thrilling and amazing. But before I go on to describe the experience, I shall document what went on before that.

As usual, we had dinner at Ming's place. It was a simple steamboat dinner. Nothing extravagant. Simple food like some meat, vegetables and seafood. We chatted during dinner. The dinner started at about 1900 hours and we ate till around 2100 hours. Thereafter, we watched Fahrenheit 9/11 till about 2300 hours. Then we started getting ready to go to the lake. It took us some time to get Lex dressed up. And before we set off, we took some photos with the fireworks. There is a purpose for it. (I want to share with my students how the fireworks look like)

We bought bottles filled with water with us. They are meant to serve as bases to support the fireworks. We positioned the bottle at an angle so that when the rocket flies, it would not fly in the wrong direction. It was such a sight. Matt lit the first one. The fuse was not too long. A short one. THe moment it was lighted, sparks started to fly all around the rocket. It was about eight seconds later that the rocket shoots into the sky and explodes into different colours and designs. What I love most is this part. After one lights the fuse, sparks start to form, and approximately two to three seconds before the rockets flies, the fuse burns so intensely that it forms a bright flame. THe flame burns so fiercely and brightly in preparation for the takeoff. I love this two to three seconds. My heart pounds ever so strongly that my whole body reverberates with excitement. I cover my ears in anticipation of the sound produced.

Eeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuiiiiiiiiiiii.........Bang!

My eyes were almost tearing as the fireworks broke into the different pretty colours and designs. The excitement and joy is just indiscribable. Around the lakes, the fireworks just went up continuously as the people all sort of took turns to let theirs off. Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! It is just everywhere. One moment, you are looking left to admire the different colours, the other moment, you turn to look right to admire the designs. Despite the buildings all around, the people jsut let off the fireworks into the sky. The feeling was just so amazing and wonderful. The sky was filled with many different colours and designs.

It then dawned onto me that there is hope in this world. It may be dark and cold and wet. But look up into the sky and you see spots of brightly coloured lights. The lights seem to be telling everyone that despite the darkness, the new year is a new start. As long as we look to the sky and search for that bright light somewhere, we can find a solution, we can find peace and hope. Tomorrow will get better. Things will take a turn for the better.

Around midnight, more and more people lined the streets to admire the wonderful display of lights in the sky. Well, if we compare the effects to that of Singapore, it may not be as pretty as we are all using small fireworks while the Singapore government has the liberty to use bigger ones as they have instituted controls. But, what makes it the most beautiful is that I lit the fireworks myself. I guessed I could have fired about five sticks into the sky. Two of which carried my wishes for the new year. And I hope that the Almighty one up the gets to read it and grant me the wishes. (It may sound silly, but I did it with hope.) My actions probably may get people laughing and thinking that I am naive and gullible. Still, I believe that there are miracles out there and miracles happen when we wish hard enough.

I made a wish for myself. I wish that..........(it is a secret...only known to me...heeheee). And I made a wish for XY too, that .....(must keep it a secret so that it will come true)

After we have set off all the fireworks that we had, we headed back home. On our way back, we saw two girls setting off a small firework at their doorstep. It went off the wrong way and hit the windows of the apartments above. So...that is why houses get burnt and people get injured during this time. Some do not practise the right ways of handling fireworks. Just like some people do not follow procedures. Haha....

But it was fun. The atmosphere was peaceful and gentle. People crowded along the streets to watch the wonderful display of lights with champagne in their glasses.

There were others who bought a lot more fireworks and more powerful ones. There are those that come in a box. After the light up the fuse, the box will just shoot out all the fireworks in it continuously. The display is spectacular and powerful. After all the fireworks has been shot, the entire sky is just filled with mist and smoke.

It was about midnight that it started to snow slightly. What a wonderful and sweet gesture from Mother Nature. Thank you so much!