A breather

Finally, I can take some time off to recuperate and recharge. It seems so much better putting work aside for a while. My mind can focus on other things such as world issues, poverty, human relations, meaning of life etc.....

Yesterday, Daniel had his traditional wedding lunch. Well, if we look at the procedures etc, everything was kept simple. Hmm....what struck me was how out of place I felt. The faces were familiar, but everything else was alien, simply extremely alien. So alien that I wished I was not there at all. I looked at the people, I observed their behaviour. I just could not stand being near them. The moment they came near me, I wanted to rocket away immediately. There was no trust, only fear and disgust. Their eyes were like x-ray machines, constantly scanning and judging. I hate this feeling. Ever since the day I was born, I was being judged constantly, not appreciated. They passed judgements but never considered the emotions of the accused. They passed judgements, but never on themselves. I do not want to be associated with them. I do not want to have anything to do with those people. They make me feel insecure. Or, put it the other way, I have not been able to trust them all these years.

Over time, the wall has just grown thicker and thicker and the temperature has simply fallen way below freezing point.

I really have been born in the wrong place and wrong family. But I can choose the life that I want to lead and fight for my freedom. This I do every moment in my life, to the best of my ability.