Dilemma

Hmmmmmm....it has been really an eventful time with D. She really gave me all the problems that one can think of and it does not seem to be ending anytime soon. It really hurts me when she does not respond. But her slightest bit of reaction is sufficient to give me the inspiration and energy to carry on. Sometimes, I can understand where she is coming from. No or little attention from people she loves. Or rather, I could also put it as inappropriate attention and reinforcement. In the process of growing up, there was no proper discipline for her. No structure to help her build up that concept of self-discipline and inculcate that process of reflection.

I can identify with that. It takes many years before one truly starts to question one's life on earth. I can only help her in whatever ways possible.

Am I there for a reason? I seem to see part of myself in her. Lost and trying to search for the light to lead me out of the maze. I could easily not teach her. But somehow, I feel that I need to be there for her, because no one was there for me when I needed someone. Am I to play this role, dear Lord? Was the chain of events orchestrated so that I can be there to teach her something? When is it time for me to move on? I have no idea. I need a sign, dear Lord. With the choices and options that seem to be presenting themselves to me now, I am not sure if I can take it.

Yet at the same time, I know that I want to build that relationship with the kids. To be able to see them grow and progress, I am happy, no matter how tired I am. The joy is priceless.

I pray for your guidance, dear Lord. Am I doing the task that you have assigned? Am I to serve these children for you? If I am, I gladly take it up and I pray for your guidance and wisdome to help me do the job well.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.