First Day of Practicum

Today is officially my first day of practicum although both Martin and I have started observations last friday. ALthough I am facing a culture shock, I am still very eager to start teaching. I am not expecting to execute and implement the bombastic teaching ideas which our lecturers have preached. But I am really excited and eager to start sharing information and knowledge with the children. They do make me show my other side with their behaviour such as shouting across the classroom, making unnecessary comments and so much more. But, seeing them at work, and hearing them speak can melt my heart. I can never stay angry for long. Just like what Jasmine said. I may put them down sometimes, but I think I have to do it because they have to learn when to say the right things....

But I do wonder if I am being too harsh. Perhaps I should be a little nicer??

What is the difference between race and ethnicity?

On the surface, this looks like a typical question where one can simply throw in the deifinitions. Yet, to me, it is a question which leads one to question the relationship between choice and our skin colour.I have asked people if they knew if there were any difference between race and ethnicity. But it seems like no one is interested to find out or delve into that aspect. So here I am talking to myself again.

Ethnity has to do with choice. An experience close to heart is my choice to subscibe to certain beliefs and way of life which does not conform to the societal expectations of the race of Chinese. It is not a smooth journey because many people do not understand my rationale behind my actions. They often try to influence me into behaving the way that they think is right. But it just does not make sense to me. I hate being forced into something that I do not believe in.

Dear Lord

I pray for your guidance. Teach me how to empathize and teach me how to manage the external influences which often disturb my internal balance of sanity. Please, teach me to let go and not take things so seriously. Teach me not to be too hard on myself. I want to be happy, I do not want to add stress to Matt with my behaviour. But I do not know how to rationalise my thoughts. Please help me, Lord!

Thank you, Lord, for hearing my prayer.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.

Dilemma

Hmmmmmm....it has been really an eventful time with D. She really gave me all the problems that one can think of and it does not seem to be ending anytime soon. It really hurts me when she does not respond. But her slightest bit of reaction is sufficient to give me the inspiration and energy to carry on. Sometimes, I can understand where she is coming from. No or little attention from people she loves. Or rather, I could also put it as inappropriate attention and reinforcement. In the process of growing up, there was no proper discipline for her. No structure to help her build up that concept of self-discipline and inculcate that process of reflection.

I can identify with that. It takes many years before one truly starts to question one's life on earth. I can only help her in whatever ways possible.

Am I there for a reason? I seem to see part of myself in her. Lost and trying to search for the light to lead me out of the maze. I could easily not teach her. But somehow, I feel that I need to be there for her, because no one was there for me when I needed someone. Am I to play this role, dear Lord? Was the chain of events orchestrated so that I can be there to teach her something? When is it time for me to move on? I have no idea. I need a sign, dear Lord. With the choices and options that seem to be presenting themselves to me now, I am not sure if I can take it.

Yet at the same time, I know that I want to build that relationship with the kids. To be able to see them grow and progress, I am happy, no matter how tired I am. The joy is priceless.

I pray for your guidance, dear Lord. Am I doing the task that you have assigned? Am I to serve these children for you? If I am, I gladly take it up and I pray for your guidance and wisdome to help me do the job well.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.