My Medical Report

I received my medical report today from Alexandra Hospital. Things do not look so good for me. My BMI is still within the healthy range but it is at the brink of touching the danger border. My other results seem normal but my blood pressure is high. Based on the report, I have the highest rick of diabetes, hypertension, stroke, colorectal cancer and breast cancer. I have not been doing the kinda tests that medical professionals advise females to do as they age. My exercise rountine has gone down the drain with all my work and other committments. I do not restrict my diet that tightly. So, in a way, I guess, all these factors are leading my health indicators downhill. My body is vermutlich crying out for help. Hmmmmmm........ I am lost as to what I should do or how I should even think now. I never believed in insurance. I belong to the extremists who would rather choose death than being a burden to others.

But I shocked myself by saying out loud that I do not want to die yet. Is it because of Matt? Is it because I still hold on to the fantasy of being a princess and living in Disneyland with my Prince Charming? Is it because I feel needed by the kids in my class? Is it because God has given me so much in spite of my unworthiness that I feel the need to keep my body functioning so as to do God's will? I wonder.

Dear Lord,

Please speak to me. Give me a sign. Guide in as I tread along in this tunnel of darkness.

In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.