Insignificant

There was a special event today. Someone is leaving. As everyone left the hall, I sat at the back with KO. Together, for that very few moments, we soaked in the atmosphere. A mixture of joy and sadness.

Over time, it seems to me, that everything seems so small. The moments of joy and laughter, or sadness and unhappiness, become only memories in our minds. As we move on, some of the memories disappear with the wind. Some of the memories will go to the grave with us. I wonder, all the memories that I have in my life would all disappear. There are some which I want to hold on to. There are some I really want to throw them away.

On this basis, I wonder too, if I should be so adamant about things in life. Perhaps I should not be so serious. Perhaps I should not be so serious. Perhaps I should be invisible, just like that air that we breathe. So that no one will notice me, the feelings of hurt can be lesser.

Cannot breathe!!!

As the days go by, I find it more and more stifling here. At work, I begin to see that the joy of learning is being lost as political agenda is the focus. On the streets, I find that people are inconsiderate, selfish, ignorant, irresponsible and ugly. I see irresponsible parents who do not fulfil their core responsibilities resulting in ignorant and simply disgusting children. I see people who think that they are simply superior when they are not. I only find beauty in non-living things. Such the the concrete structure of the church building. Or perhaps sometimes in the leaves and trees which I pass by.

Lord,

Please teach me to see the good and beauty around me. Please do not let me be blind. Teach me not to judge others by my own tainted eyes, eyes which have been tainted with sins and imperfections. Help me Lord. Please.

Amen.

Thoughts of Kopenhagen....Images which keep occurring in my mind

These are the views which I used to enjoy in winter in Kopenhagen. They are simply so beautiful in my eyes that no words can describe. My heart longs for the peace and quiet in the cold winter wind where one is in heaven with God's everlasting love and grace.

High Blood Pressure!!!

Oh My God!!!! My blood pressure yesterday was 130/90. If I hit 140/90, that would warrant some serious medical attention. Just read up about it. Hmm.....I wonder what is happening to me?

Occupational Hazard

So, it has been verified. Now, I am finally diagnosed with the condition of migraine. But this time round, it came together with my existing condition of tension headache. It is terrible. A few days ago, my vision was blurred. I had problems breathing when I slept at night. And when the pain comes, it hits so hard as if my head had been hammered not just once but many times over and over again till my skull seemed to be on the verge of cracking. I paid a visit to the doctor just now and had my blood pressure taken. My my!! Doc said it was on the high side and asked me to be careful. He asked if I had been stressed out lately. I replied YES!!! Explained the whole story about marking my students' scripts and things like that.....

Hmmmm.....occupational hazard. I cannot stop worrying about my students. I think I will not be able to draw the line in the near future. Perhaps a few more years in the system and I might be able to do it.

Doc wanted me to rest at home and wanted to give me MC. For some reason, the moment I heard the word 'MC', and saw that he had written it down on my records, I immediately shook my head and refused. I told him that I need to be in school. NO MC!. Guess my sudden reaction really shocked him. He had this funny look on his face despite having a mask on. Heehee...Jo is over-reacting again!!!!

A prayer

Dear Lord,

Where am I heading to? It seems that I am running out of time. I have found my passion and interest but at a later stage in life. Now, I have many other commitments and factors to fight against in the process of pursuing my passion and interest. I am worried. I am scared. Please guide me, Lord. Please lead me on the right path. Give me the strength and perseverance to work through the hardships. Give me the wisdom to make the right decisions. Stay with me, dear Lord. Be with me. Teach me to place my faith and trust in You as You reveal the mysteries in my life as the seconds pass by each day.

Amen.

Boring.....

It has been a day without work today. Finally, for one day, I did not do any marking or anything which is related to work. I slept in today and went out for lunch and took a walk in town. There wasn't anything much to mention. The usual shopping outlets, the usual dining restaurants, the usual crowd in town.

Hmmm....this is depressing.....there is no place around here where I can enjoy the natural surroundings or read a book in peace. The place which I am comparing to is Copenhagen. I remember very vividly the times I simply went down three storeys of spiral staircase, crossed a road where there is hardly any traffic at all, watched the swans and ducks land on the surface of the pond so gracefully, and find myself a comfortable bench where I could read and enjoy literature in the cold winter air.

Here. There is nothing much for me to enjoy or look forward to. There is nothing about nature which we can talk about. It is something which is not easily accessible to, nor is it something which I would want to appreciate considering the kind of external environment present. Sigh.......it is depressing...everything looks bleak......there is nothing left.....simply nothing.......

Was ist mein Traum?

Letzten Dienstag hat unsere Lehrerin uns gefragt, ob wir einen Traum haben. Als wir jungen waren, was haben wir für einen Traum? Ich überlegte ein paar Sekunden. Ja. Ich hatte viele Träume, als ich junger war. Ich wollte die Welt sehen und erfahren. Ich wollte Freiheit. Ich wollte etwas aufregend machen. Ich wollte nach Deutschland fahren und da bleiben. Ich wollte Studentin in Deutschland sein.

Viele Jahre später habe ich noch die Träume. Nach diesen vergangenden Jahren habe ich etwas erreichen. Ich habe nach Europa gereist und ein paar Länder besucht. Ich habe ein paar Leute kennegelernt. Ich bin in Dresden und Köln geblieben. Ich habe einen Jahr in Kopenhagen gewohnt. Ich habe viel gelernt und studiert.

Man kann sagen, dass ich sehr glücklich bin. Ich habe jetzt eine Wohnung, eines Auto, eine Stelle und einen sehr netten Mann. Ich sollte glücklich sein. Ja. Ich bin dankbar.

Zur Zeit denke ich über die Zukunft. Was kann ich machen? Was muss ich machen? Was soll ich machen? I will noch meine Traüme erfüllen. Die Menschen in die Arbeitsumgebeung und die Menschen in meine Gesellschaft nehmen nicht meine Meinung an. Das ist kein Problem. Wir haben immer unterschiedliche Meinungen. Leider haben die Menschen mich gerichtet, nicht respektieren. Ich finde das ungerecht.